Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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