I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
