Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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