if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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