I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
