My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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