i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
