he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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