Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
