We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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