You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
