new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When did angry sex become our thing?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
