Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
