the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
