Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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