So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
