I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
