So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
