We won't sleep together?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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