Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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