Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
