went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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