i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
