When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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