I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
