ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
