Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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