so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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