I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
