I heard we made out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
