The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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