I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
