There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Plan B is the new Plan A
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
