So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
