Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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