I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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