well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
