I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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