How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
