I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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