So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
