my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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