youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
