I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
