New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
