Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
