I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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