Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
