i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
