Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
cat food counts as protein by the way
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
